Memories of the Heart
by Misha
Summary: In her seventh year, Hermione find a box of stuff left by Lily Evans and uncovers the secrets of Lily's years at Hogwarts. As she discovers the truth about Lily's secret romance, she becomes aware of her own true desires.
1. Part One: Hermione's Discovery

Memories of the Heart   
By Misha 

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. However, I am not making any money off of this, so please do not sue me! 

Author's Notes- This has nothing to do with "How Things Change", though this does have some Snape/Lily. I don't know, the idea of Hermione finding a diary left by Lily Potter and learning the secrets of her days at Hogwarts just appealed to me and thus this was born. It's a multi-couple romance, because I'm a multi-couple shipper. I like most HP pairings, including a few that won't be included here (such as Draco/Harry). I don't know all the pairings that I'll represent in this fic, but I do know that the three main ones will be Lily/Snape, Lily/James, and Harry/Hermione, though there'll be others as well, including some Hermione/Ron. This will be pretty long and complex as I try to weave two separate stories at once, the one in the past and the present. Does that make sense? Well, if not, I'm sure it will once you read. That's all for now, enjoy, and remember, feedback is very much appreciated! 

Author's Notes2- After reading OotP, I was dismayed by how much of this story is now wrong. I considered changing it, but since I'd have to rewrite the entire thing, I decided against that. Instead, I chose to continue on the way I was going. This is now very much an AU, so disregard most of what is revealed to us in OotP when you read this, since the two most definitely clash. However, I did change a few things, such as I had Neville's mother referred to as Christina, but we now know it's Alice, and since that's a small thing that might confuse the readers, I decided to change it. I also changed my mention of Robin LeStrange, to Rabastan and I refer to Narcissa as Sirius' cousin, as well as changing my reference to Erin Figg's Auror parent from father to mother. But those are the only OotP cannon things that I've observe, since I quite like the universe I have going here. However, I did go back and edit this, not to change things to make them fit cannon, but just because I thought that it flowed better. I didn't change too many things, mainly, it's just little things, though I did make big changes the chapter where I mention Molly, Arthur and the other Weasleys--I need to change it to fit with something I have planned for later on in the story. But everything else I have written stays. Well, that's all, enjoy! 

Rating- PG-13 

Pairings- Lily/James, Lily/Snape, Harry/Hermione, Ron/Hermione. 

Summery- In her seventh year, Hermione find a box of stuff left by Lily Evans and uncovers the secrets of Lily's years at Hogwarts. As she discovers the truth about Lily's secret romance, she becomes aware of her own true desires. 

Spoilers- All fours books.   


* * *

Chapter One- Hermione's Discovery

Hermione looked around her new sleeping area. 

She was Head Girl this year and got her own private bedroom. 

All the Houses at private quarters set aside in case the Head Boy or Girl happened to be from their House. 

It was a nice room, similar to the usual Gryffindor sleeping quarters, though the bed was larger, as was her chest of drawers. Plus there was a nice chair and table, complete with lamp, for her to curl into and read, which she thought was wonderful. She would most definitely be using that often. 

First, though, she had to unpack. Then, when she was done, Hermione wanted to spend some time alone with Ron. 

Hermione stifled a sigh as she reached for her trunk. She and Ron had been dating since their fifth year, but lately things had been tense between them. All they ever did was fight. 

Of course, they had nothing but fight since the moment they met, but this was different. Now, a lot of the arguments turned nasty and Harry usually had to break them up. 

Harry. Hermione could not even imagine what she would do without him, he was always there to offer comfort and to try and smooth things over between her and Ron. He really was the most special boy that she knew and truly her best friend. 

Smiling at the thought of Harry, who was Head Boy this year, Hermione put her things away in the drawers. She opened the bottom drawer and for some reason had the urge to feel around the bottom of the drawer. 

To her surprise, she felt something and on further exploration, realized that the bottom was not really the bottom at all, but that it was easily removable and concealed something hidden beneath it. 

Hermione carefully removed the false bottom to expose a metal box sitting comfortably in a secret compartment. 

She lifted the box out and placed it on her bed, before replacing the bottom back into the drawer. Then, she opened the box. 

Hermione was curious as to what was in it and who had placed it there. It had to have been a previous Head Girl, but which one and why? How long had the box been there and was she the first to discover it? 

With all these questions going through her head, she removed the lid and carefully began taking the items out and placing them on her bed. 

There were four small, leather books, which were neatly tied together with a red ribbon; a green silk scarf; a gold hair clip shaped like a lion whose head moved from side to side; a silver bracelet shaped like a snake; a book that was very obviously a photo album and had the words "Memory Book" printed on the front; an old Head Girl's badge; and an envelope. 

Hermione stared at the collection of things, especially the envelope. 

It wasn't a scroll like most witches and wizards wrote on, but an envelope like the ones in which Muggles sent their letters, making Hermione even more curious as to who had left the box and these things. 

Taking the envelope in her hands, Hermione unsealed it and took the piece of lined, Muggle paper out and reading it. 

_Dear Reader, _

I have no idea how much time has passed, since I wrote this letter, nor do I have any idea who it is that reading it. 

No, that is not quite true. I do know at least two things about you, you are a Gryffindor and you are the Head Girl of your year. 

I also know that you are the one who is meant to read this. I placed a small charm around the bottom of the drawer, the secret compartment will only reveal itself to someone who the spell deems worthy. 

Strange, huh? 

Well, I had my reasons, which you will discover once you read what I have written in my journals. There is quite a story there. 

I debated long and hard before leaving these things here, but finally decided that I wanted someone to know the truth. 

I knew that I would never be able to bring myself to tell someone face to face, so I did the next best thing. I created this box, leaving behind my journals from my last three years at Hogwarts, a photo album to document those times, some mementos whose significance will be explained in the journals, and this letter. 

Before you read the journals, please remember this: No one is perfect and sometimes, people are led into doing things that they deeply regret. Even worse, sometimes they do not regret everything that they should... Also, affairs of the heart are deeply complicated. 

Well, with that said, I present you with the tale of my later years at Hogwarts... 

I know that you will use the information well and I hope that hearing my tale will help you as much as knowing that it is no longer mine alone will help me... 

Sincerely,   
Lily Evans 

Hermione stared at the page. 

Lily Evans? This stuff was left by Harry's mother? 

For a moment, Hermione considered jumping up and going to find him to share it with him, since he had very little to remind him of his mother, then she stopped herself. 

There was a reason that Lily had left this stuff in secret and maybe Hermione should discover what that was before she told Harry. 

Deciding that that was the best course of action, she placed the letter back in the envelope and put it back in the box, then she did the same with everything except the first of the four leather volumes. 

She would look at the rest of the stuff later, especially the photo album, since she probably would want to show it to Harry. 

First though, she wanted to read whatever it was that Lily had written in these journals, discover what it was that Harry's mother had needed to share with someone. 

Hermione placed the box back in the secret compartment and the leather book under her pillow. 

She had to go meet Ron, but she would begin reading as soon as she came back.   
*** 


	2. Part Two: The Beginning

Memories of the Heart   
By Misha 

_See Part One for Disclaimer and Notes._

Part Two- The Beginning

Later that evening, Hermione stormed back into her room and flopped onto the bed. 

She and Ron had had another fight, not that that was something out of the ordinary but this one worse than usual. 

It had started out as a fight between Ron and Harry over Harry's friendship with Draco Malfoy. It was still strange to think of, Harry and Draco friends. But, to everyone's surprise, the two boys had become friends in the middle of their fifth year. 

Hermione had to admit that she had been terribly suspicious when it happened, but had soon realized that Draco was not as bad as he had always appeared to be. 

She still did not understand how Harry and Draco had gone from being sworn enemies to being friends, neither of them would talk about it, but it had happened and everyone had to accept it. 

Especially since Draco had been instrumental in helping Harry and Dumbledore bring down you-know... No, Voldemort, there was no fear in thinking, or even saying, his name anymore. 

Anyway, Draco's information in critical in helping with Voldemort's final defeat and Lucius Malfoy's imprisonment in Azkaban. 

Oh, Draco still was not the nicest person around, especially not to Ron, but he had honestly appeared to change. More than that, he seemed to really care about Harry's friendship. 

It made sense when Hermione thought about it. After all, Draco had started going out of his way to be nasty to Harry when Harry rejected his offer of friendship. So maybe his hatred was really just hurt pride. 

Whatever it was, his friendship seemed genuine enough and after a year and a half, Hermione figured they would know that if it wasn't. 

Which might be Ron's problem. 

He had been furious when Harry and Draco had first become friends, had refused to believe that Draco had changed and his opinion had not gotten any better as time passed. 

Hermione knew that part of the problem was that Ron was jealous. He had always been Harry's best male friend, had had no competition, but now... Now Draco and Harry were as close, if not closer than Ron and Harry. 

In fact, Harry and Ron were no where near as close as they used to be. 

Hermione knew that her relationship with Ron was one of the biggest reasons for that. First of all, she and Ron **were** a couple, so sometimes they did things together by themselves, making it natural for Harry to spend time with other friends. 

But also, whenever she and Ron had a problem, Hermione found it quite natural to go to Harry for comfort. Because of that Harry tended to side with Hermione over Ron when the couple fought, which caused tension between Harry and Ron. 

The other major problem was that Ron and Harry's friendship had never really recovered from Harry dating Ginny. 

Ron had always been very protective of his little sister and did not like the idea of her dating _anyone_, let alone his best friend. And that had caused a definite rift between the two, a rift which grew even worse when Harry and Ginny broke up. Even though both Harry and Ginny insisted that it was a mutual thing and had stayed friends, Ron had blamed Harry. 

Anyway, back to Ron and Hermione's fight. 

Ron and Harry had started fighting about Draco once more and Hermione had taken Harry's side, causing a furious argument between her and Ron. 

He had even asked her if they should really be dating, after all she always took Harry's side, maybe she should be with him! 

Hermione had not seen fit to justify that remark with a reply and, instead, had just turned and stomped away. She had been too angry too even retort. 

How dare Ron question her loyalty? After two years together, shouldn't he know without asking how she felt about him? It was ridiculous of him to be jealous of Harry! 

Hermione leaned back on her pillow and then felt something beneath it. Suddenly, she remembered the diary and lifted her pillow to take it out. 

_Maybe this will make me feel better._ She thought, opening the diary and preparing to read it. 

_September 1st ,1974,   
Dear Diary, _

I am so glad that I am finally able to write in you. 

Mum bought me this set of journals as a small gift for being made a prefect. She knows that I love to write and thought that I would like to be able to record my thoughts. 

Anyway, I decided to wait until school started and make this a journal of my time at Hogwarts. Otherwise, all this would be would be a bunch of complaints about Petunia. After all, I am pretty sure that it would only take me about a month to fill up the entire set if I let myself. 

But I won't. After all, there are much more interesting things to write about than my sister. 

The first day back went well. 

James is a prefect too, of course. 

It was strange seeing him again. I mean, we kept in touch over the summer, but this is the first time we have seen each other since last year. 

I spent the whole summer wondering if he meant anything when he kissed me the night of the end of the year feast last year. I mean, I have had a crush on him since my second year, though I have never been able to bring myself to say anything. 

Well, tonight I got my answer. 

James was really cute and nervous and... He kissed me again! He told me that he really liked me and wanted to know if I would be his girlfriend. 

Of course I said yes. What girl would turn down James Potter? 

Certainly not me. 

I will write more as soon as I can. 

Night,   
Lily 

Hermione smiled at the first entry, especially Lily's remarks about her sister. 

Hermione had heard enough about the Dursleys to dislike them. They sounded like horrible people and from the short mention in the diary, it seemed that Petunia had always been that way. Yech. It was people like that who gave Muggles a bad name. 

Biting her lip, Hermione continued to read the next three or four entries. 

Lily mostly spoke about James and their growing relationship. She mentioned the other Marauders fairly often as well, it was easy to see that she had a soft spot for them all. 

There were also some complaints about the Slytherins. Mainly one in particular. 

_"I once thought that I would never hate anyone more than I hated Petunia. I was wrong. Severus Snape is much worse. He is slime. The bottom of the bucket. There are so many things I would love to do to him. He would make a lovely toad, wouldn't he?" _

Lily had written that in the last entry that Hermione had read, written near the middle of October. 

Lily's entries had not been all that frequent, apparently she did not have that much time to write. 

Hermione closed the diary and put it on the chair beside her bed. She was confused. 

Lily's diary was interesting, Hermione could see a quite of bit of Harry in his mother's words, but there was nothing horrible. No great big secrets had been revealed yet. 

_Well, it is only the beginning._ Hermione thought. _I am sure whatever it was that Lily wanted told will be told later._

With that, she turned off the light and closed her eyes preparing to go to sleep. In the morning she would read more. It really was quite amusing...   


* * *


	3. Part Three: Some Things Never Change

Memories of the Heart   
By Misha 

_See Part One for Disclaimer and Notes._

Part Three- Some Things Never Change

The next evening, Hermione picked up the diary once more. 

She had not had a chance all day to read it and she had found that she was deeply curious. 

There was something about Lily's simple accounts that drew her interest. Of course all the times that Snape was insulted, did not hurt. 

With a smile, she began to read the next entry. 

_October 30th, 1974,   
Dear Diary, _

The Halloween feast is tomorrow, which will be fun. 

Except... I think that Sirius and James are up to something. What else is new? 

However, some of their pranks... Well, they aren't exactly nice. Not that Snape does not usually deserve what's coming to him, and not that he does not give back as good as he gets, but still... 

I have this awful feeling that one of these days the two of them are going to go too far and that someone will get hurt. 

Still, what can I do? 

They will not listen to me. James always says that I worry too much, that I should learn to enjoy myself. 

Besides, I have to admit, most of their pranks are pretty funny. 

There is not much else going on, besides that. 

Well except the fact that Professor Arrison has hinted at a major Potions assignment around Christmas. 

Have I ever mentioned that I hate Potions? I know that I do well in it, I have got the second best mark in the class, after Snape, of course, and by far the best mark by any Gryffindor (big surprise given that Arrison despises Gryffindors), but... 

Really, it is such a horrible class. Why do we have to take it with the Slytherins? You would think that the school would know by now that it was unproductive, after all, all anyone does is fight and insult one another... 

Also, it is so unfair that the Potions teacher is the head of Slytherin, he obviously favours the Slytherins over everyone else and goes out of his way to humiliate us. 

Especially James and Sirius, he hates them. 

I think it would make Arrison's year to see the two of them expelled... 

Hermione stopped reading for a moment and smiled. 

It seemed that some things never changed. It was nice to know that the past Gryffindors had had exactly the same problem in Potions that the current ones did. 

Shaking her head, she continued to read. 

_Arrison does not seem to mind me, though. _

Mainly because I usually try to fade into the background, though that is not easy to do when you are dating James Potter. Still, I do not have the problems that he and Sirius do. 

Neither does Remus. Arrison does not seem to like him, but neither does he go out of his way to get him in trouble, either. 

Poor Peter. While Arrison does not seem to hate him as much as he does Sirius and James, he does like humiliating him more than anyone else. 

Perhaps because he is such an easy target. 

It makes me angry. It is not Peter's fault that he is a little hopeless at most of his studies, it is just the way he is, poor thing. It is a good thing he has me, Remus, Sirius and James to help him with his homework, or who knows what his grades would be like? 

Oh, I have got to go, I am going to be late to meet James... 

I will Write More ASAP,   
- Lily 

"'Mione?" Just as Hermione was about to flip to the next entry, she heard the voice in the doorway and quickly shoved the diary under her pillow. 

"You are not supposed to be in here." She scolded Harry as he entered her little section of the room. 

"I'm the Head Boy, remember? I am allowed to bend the rules a little." He said with a smile. 

Hermione rolled her eyes and smiled in return. "What brings you here?" She asked. 

Harry sighed. "I never got a chance to talk to you last night." He told her. "I wanted to apologize for dragging you into my fight with Ron." 

Hermione stood up and walked over to Harry, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

"Harry," she said softly, "you have nothing to apologize for. I chose to get involved." 

Harry sighed. "I know... But, you shouldn't have." 

"Yes, I should have." Hermione corrected. "Harry, Ron was being a jerk." 

"I just hate causing trouble between the two of you." Harry muttered. 

Hermione laughed ruefully. "Harry, if it was not you, it would be something else. Ron and I obviously just are not meant to agree on anything." 

"He cares about you a lot." Harry said softly. 

"I care about him too." Hermione said quietly. "I just do not know if we should be together." 

Hermione expected Harry to be shocked, but he just looked at her. 

"You see it too." She stated softly. 

"It is not my place to see it." Was all Harry would say. 

He then leaned over and kissed Hermione on the cheek. "I am going to go back to my room. 'Night 'Mione." 

"'Night Harry." Hermione said with a smile, watching as he left. 

Harry was such a good person, so easy to talk to. She always felt better after seeing him. 

_Doesn't that tell you something?_ A little voice in her head asked. _Isn't it strange that it is **Harry** not Ron whose company you prefer? That it is **Harry** who always manages to bring a smile to your face?_

Hermione frowned. 

Harry was her friend. She was supposed to enjoy his company. Still, it was a little weird, she had to admit that... 

_No._ She thought firmly. _Harry is just my friend. Nothing else. Everyone likes Harry, it is just his personality. He is that kind of person. That is all it is._   


* * *


	4. Part Four: The Potions Assignment

Memories of the Heart   
By Misha 

_Disclaimer and Rating in Chapter One._

_Notes- Okay, I do something new in this chapter. I switch to the past from a third person perspective, using ~*~, to do so. I do this because it'll be easier for me as the plot progresses, since I'll want to include dialogue and other stuff. I just thought I'd warn you about that. Enjoy!_

Chapter Four- The Potions Assignment

After Harry left, Hermione dug out the diary again. 

She knew that she should probably get to sleep, but she couldn't resist reading just a little bit more. 

She read the entry after Halloween and learnt that Sirius and James had played a prank on the entire school, not just the Slytherins. They had rigged fireworks to go off in the great hall during dinner, as well as jinxing some of the food so that whoever ate it would have a orange and black tongue for a while. 

Harmless really. 

Lily's next few entries were about the usual: James, school, some complaints about the Slytherins. 

There was an interesting tidbit as Lily confessed that she and James had become intimate for the first time. 

It was written with all the blushing sincerity of a young girl in love and it made Hermione smile. 

Hermione continued to read and then her eyes perked up as she came to one written just before the Christmas holidays... 

_December 5th 1974,   
Dear Diary, _

Remember that project of Arrison's I told you about? Well, he explained it today. 

It's horrible... 

In fact, it's not actually an exam, nor will it go towards our regular work. It's for extra marks, but we still have to do it. 

He said that he decided to do it this way as a last ditch effort to repair some of the dismal averages in this class--looking straight at the Gryffindor table as he did so. 

It's actually an interesting project, at least academically, but... 

Well, let me explain... 

~*~   
"I debated about what to make this project." Arrison said. "And I finally decided to cater it to each student's individual abilities." 

There was a murmur at that, as the students looked at Arrison with interest. 

"This project is done in pairs, of course, and I've decided to assign each pair a different rare potion to make according to their level of ability." Arrison told them. "The pairs will be of my choosing." 

Lily heard James groan at that. He always worked with her or Sirius and there was no way that Arrison was going to pair him with either one of them. 

"Your partner will have the same amount of skill as you." Arrison told them. "That way one student isn't responsible for bailing out the other." 

Lily felt a pit dread of forming in her stomach at that announcement. 

_Please,_ she thought desperately, _anyone, but him._

"Black and Rosier." Arrison said then, as he continued read out the pairs. 

Behind Lily, Sirius groaned and Lily couldn't blame him. Evan Rosier wouldn't be her choice of a partner either. God, there were times when he made Snape look good! 

Arrison continued to read the names. 

"Evans and Snape." He said finally, confirming Lily's worst fears. 

"And I was feeling sorry for myself." James whispered in her ear; James was partnered with Rabastan LeStrange, a fact that did not thrill him. 

Lily looked at him and smiled. "I'll be okay." She said. 

Arrison named off the last few pairs and then told everyone to move to sit with their new partner. 

With a sigh, Lily got up and moved over to where Severus was sitting. He glowered to show that he wasn't any more enthused about the idea of working with her than she was with him.   
~*~ 

_I have no idea what Arrison is thinking. I mean, no one's going to get any work done! Almost all the pairs hate each other. _

Like me and Snape. Uck. 

We're working on a Dreaming Potion. It's a rare and extremely complex potion that allows you to slip into someone else's dreams and control them. It's a restricted potion, but Arrison got Dumbledore's permission before assigning it to us. 

When I was telling James, he wanted to know how we're going to test it. I have to agree. I mean I have no attention of letting Snape mess around in my dreams--even if it means I fail. 

Sorry, no way. 

Anyway, I should go. I have to find a way to survive the next month. 

Sigh. 

I'll Write More When I Can.   
- Lily 

Hermione reread the entry. 

What an interesting idea for an assignment. 

Hermione wondered why Snape had never used something like that--it seemed right up his sadistic alley. 

_Maybe something happened the first time around._ Hermione thought. 

She closed the book and put it away. As much as she wanted to read more, it was time to go to bed. 

The story would still be there in the morning.   
*** 


	5. Part Five: Twists

Memories of the Heart   
By Misha 

_See Chapter One for Disclaimer and Notes._

Chapter Five- Twists

"Hermione?" 

Hermione looked up from her homework the next afternoon to see Ron standing beside her in the library, holding something. 

"Yes?" She said coolly, given that they had not talked to each other since their fight the other day. 

"'Mione, I was an idiot." Ron told her. "I am so sorry I said those things to you, I didn't mean them. Will you please forgive me?" 

He handed her a flower from behind his back. 

"All right." Hermione said, a tad reluctantly. 

This was part of the same old cycle. She and Ron would fight, he would say something stupid, she would get angry and then he would apologize. 

Hermione was starting to get sick of it. But what could she do, refuse to accept his apology? She and Ron had been together too long for that. 

"Of course, thank you for the flower." She said softly, taking the flower from Ron and getting up to kiss him on the cheek. 

For some reason, she just could not bear the thought of kissing him on the lips right now. 

Ron smiled and sat down beside her. 

"You are welcome." He told her with a grin. "What subject are you working on?" 

"I am working on the Potions Essay Snape assigned us." She told him matter-of-factly. 

Ron groaned. "You do know that it is not due until next month, right?" 

"Yes, but that does not mean I shouldn't do it early and get it out of the way." Hermione told him, closing her books as she did so. "I am going to head back to my dorm." 

Ron frowned. "Why?" 

"I left one of my text books there." Hermione told him. "And I need it. So I will just finish my work there." 

"All right." Ron said with a shrug. "See you later." 

"Later." Hermione agreed, as she left the library. 

She had lied to Ron. She did not have to go back to her room, but she wanted to. 

She had been about to go and read more of the diary before Ron had shown up and she was not about to put it off for him. 

The story was **too** fascinating. 

As soon as she got back to her room, she put her books away and then took the first diary out from it's hiding place. 

She then settled into her chair to read it. 

_December 7th, 1974   
Dear Diary, _

The Potions assignment is a nightmare. 

Snape and I can not agree on a single thing, big surprise, huh? 

Anyway, that is not why I am writing. 

It is the full moon tonight. 

James told me a couple days ago that he and the others have finally succeeded in becoming Animagus, so they are out there tonight. 

I am worried about them. 

They are blatantly breaking the rules, and what if something happens? Yet at the same time I understand why they are doing it. They want to help their friend. 

Poor Remus. Imagined having to go through that every month. It must be Hell. 

James swore me to secrecy about their plan and I gave it to them--of course. I am not the type to tattle, besides they are my friends and I would never do anything to get them in trouble. 

Anyway, he told me what animals they can all turn into and the nicknames they have come up with for one another. 

James is a Stag, so he will be called "Prongs". Sirius is a dog, thus the name "Padfoot". Peter is a rat and they have decided to nickname him "Wormtail". And Remus' nickname is "Moony", of course. 

They were trying to come up with a nickname for me and the other girls since we're honorary marauders, but they have not come up with any yet. 

Sirius suggested 'red', but he couldn't figure out whether it would be for me or Vinny, besides we both objected. So, the boys have decided that they'll just have to put more thought into it. 

I hate the fact that I can only sit here and worry about them, but what other option is there? None that I can see. 

I will Write More Soon,   
Lily 

Hermione reread the entry. 

Okay, well that answered one question she had had. Whether or not Lily had known what the marauders were up to. 

The answer, apparently, was a definite yes. 

Hermione continued reading, eager to learn more about the Potions assignment. 

To her delight she discovered that Lily's entries had become a lot more frequent, she wrote almost every night. 

Most of them were the same, complaints about Snape and about the assignment, although Lily seemed to be gaining a lot more respect for his abilities as they continued to work together. 

Suddenly, Hermione read one entry and frowned. 

_December 18th, 1974   
Dear Diary, _

Something horrible happened! 

As you know the project is due to be tested this Friday (the 22nd) since that is the last day of term before the holidays... 

Anyway, since our potion is really complicated, Snape and I have been putting in a lot of overtime to get it done. 

But that does not always work. 

Like tonight, we spent more time sniping at one another than working on the potions and then... 

God. It is so hard to even put into words... 

~*~   
"Shut up, Snape!" Lily snapped as Severus made yet another demeaning comment. 

He simply smirked. 

"Aww, the mudblood has a bitchy side to her, does she? I bet it turns stuck-up boyfriend on. He seems like the masochistic type." 

Lily snorted. "Really, I wouldn't have thought so. After all, he's not in Slytherin." She sniped. 

"Oh, typical Gryffindor attitude." He mocked. "You think that you are all perfect, have no faults or hidden desires. Must be nice to be so holier-than-thou. I wonder how many people meet your impossible standards, not your boy-toy, for he is no saint. No, he is just a stuck-up prick who thinks that he can get away with whatever he wants." 

Lily's eyes clouded over with anger. 

"How dare you talk about James like that!" She yelled angrily. "He is twice the man you are!" 

Without even thinking, she lashed out to slap Severus. 

Laughing in bemusement, he easily caught her wrist. 

"Now, now." He told her. "You should not do things without thinking about the consequences." 

Then, laughing as he did so, he pulled her towards him so that she was pressed against him and kissed her. 

After a minute, he let go of his hold on her wrist, but did not break the kiss. 

Without even realizing that she was doing it, Lily wove her hands around her neck, deepening the kiss. 

A sudden noise in the hallway brought her back to reality and she jumped away from Severus. 

"What the Hell do you think you are doing?" She bit out angrily, still slightly flushed from the kiss. 

He laughed. "Do not pretend that you did not enjoy it." He taunted her. "You were getting really into it, I guess Potter doesn't know how to satisfy you, does he?" 

"You are disgusting!" Lily bit out, before turning and stomping out of the Potions room. 

She could not believe what she had just done.   
~*~ 

_I feel so awful! _

How could I let him kiss me?! 

And the worst part is, for a moment I kind of enjoyed it. God, how wrong is that? 

I mean, this is Snape I am talking about! Ugh. 

Besides, I love James. No one else. 

So how could I enjoy it when someone else kissed me? And James worst enemy at that. God, I am horrible. 

Still, it was a one-time only thing. It is never, ever going to happen again. 

Never. 

I am just going to finish this stupid project and then, hopefully, I will never have to spend any amount of time with Severus Snape ever again. 

Later,   
Lily 

Hermione reread the entry and shuddered. 

She could not even imagine the thought of Harry's mother and Snape kissing. Gross. 

God, it was _Snape_. That alone made her want to puke. 

Besides, as far as Hermione could see it, it would be like her kissing Malfoy. Well, her kissing Malfoy a year ago. 

Completely and totally wrong. 

Still, it had only happened once. And it was certainly an interesting twist. 

Sighing, Hermione closed the book and put it away. 

She had had enough for one night.   
*** 


	6. Part Six: Dark Reminders

Memories of the Heart   
By Misha 

_See Part One for Disclaimer and Notes._

Part Six- Dark Reminders

The next Potions class was weird for Hermione, because her mind kept flipping back to Lily's journal. She kept remembering the last entry and that certainly affected how she saw Snape. 

"'Mione, are you okay?" Harry asked her after class. "You kept spacing out, it wasn't like you." 

"I've just got some stuff on my mind." Hermione told him. 

"Want to talk about it?" Harry asked softly. 

Hermione shook her head. "No thanks, it's nothing really." 

Harry looked doubtful. "If you're sure." 

"I am." Hermione promised him. "But thanks for offering, you really are very sweet." 

Harry just smiled. "I'd do anything for you, 'Mione, remember that." 

"I will." She promised him, just as Ron joined them. 

He had been kept back for a few minutes so that Snape could yell at him for some imagined fault or another and give him a detention. 

"You will what?" He asked curiously. 

"Nothing." Hermione told him. "Harry and I were just talking." 

"Head Boy and Girl stuff." Harry said smoothly, then he looked at Hermione. "Speaking of, we're meeting with Dumbledore, remember?" 

"Actually, I didn't." Hermione said. "I really have been spacy, haven't I?" 

"Just a little bit." Harry told her with a smile. 

Ron looked a little pissed off. 

"We'll see you later." Harry told him, appearing not to notice the expression on his face. 

Hermione leaned over and gave Ron a quick peck on the cheek, before following Harry.   
*** 

After the meeting with Dumbledore, Hermione went back to her room. 

She couldn't get the diary out of her mind and needed to read more. Lily's words were so engaging, they captured Hermione's attention, leaving her desperate to know the whole story. 

She opened the diary and quickly began to read. 

_December 20th, 1974   
Dear Diary, _

Something totally bizarre happened. 

Snape apologized. 

He was actually kind of sweet. He told me that he knew what he said was wrong and that he was sorry. He said his temper just got the best of him, as for kissing me... 

Well, he made some comment about what guy being able to resist that temptation. He also said he was sorry for all the times he called me "mudblood" and put me down and wondered if it was possible for us to come to a truce. 

He was still insulting when he spoke of James and the others, but I suppose that's not going to change. I mean, they don't speak kindly of him, either. 

However, maybe, he really isn't as bad as he seems. I agreed to a truce and we can try and work from there. 

One things for sure, tonight's work session was certainly more peaceful than any of the others. We're almost done the potion by the way. 

There's only a little bit left to do. 

- Lily 

Hermione could almost imagine Snape's apology as she read it. 

From what she could tell, the Potions Master had not changed all that much in the last several years. Though, he seemed to have been even more arrogant and perhaps less sullen then, but all in all, no major change. 

With a slight smile on her face, Hermione read the next entry. 

The smiled instantly disappeared. 

_December 22nd, 1974   
Dear Diary, _

This is too horrible to put into words. I'm on the train home for the holidays and I can barely believe what has happened. 

You know Cynthia Marswell? She's a Gryffindor fourth year? 

Anyway... Her parents... They were killed by You-Know-Who. 

Cynthia's mother was Muggle-born and her father was an Auror. Double targets. 

This is the third killing since the school term began. People are starting to get frightened. 

Especially the Muggle-borns. Everyone knows how You-Know-Who feels about us. And if this continues... 

Well, who's to say he won't succeed in wiping us all out? 

The boys have tried to comfort me, say that there's no way that He'll come after me. 

But how can they be so sure? How can anyone be sure? - Lily 

Hermione froze as she read the entry. She could feel Lily's fear in duress as real as if it was her own. 

Because it had been. 

Before Voldemort had been vanquished, Hermione had been in constant fear of her life and of her family's safety. 

After all, not only was she Muggle-born, but she was one of Harry's best friends. That alone made her a target. 

However, those days were over. Voldemort was gone and they were all safe. Hermione looked down at the diary sadly. 

Too bad the same could not have been said of Lily. 

Hermione found it hard to believe that a little less than eight years after she wrote that entry, Lily herself would be dead. Killed by Voldemort. 

Hermione shivered and closed the diary. She had read enough for now. 

She needed a break.   
*** 


	7. Part Seven: The Mysterious Weasleys

Memories of the Heart   
By Misha 

_Disclaimer and Rating in Chapter One._

_Author's Notes- Most of the original characters mentioned in this show up in my short story "Tears of Remembrance". I don't know, I just decided to play around with Ron's family history. Oh, and I have it so that Bill was born in 1967, Charlie in 1968, Percy in 1976, the twins in 78, Ron in 1980, and Ginny in '81. Charlie and Bill are the only ones who didn't have definite years of birth and I chose the years I did because it's mentioned several times that the last time Gryffindor won the House Cup was Charlie's last year and in PoA Oliver says that Gryffindor has lost the last seven years in a row, meaning that it had to have been eight years since Charlie graduated. Okay? Also, the gap between Charlie and Percy intrigued me, so I came up with my own reasons. Well, that's all for now. Enjoy!_

Chapter Seven- The Mystery Weasleys

It was a few days, before Hermione could bring herself to open the diary again. 

She knew that the last entry had only been the beginning and had to steel herself to read more. 

However, now, she felt ready. 

She took out the diary, opened it up and began to read. 

_Christmas Day, 1974   
Dear Diary, _

It's Christmas Day and things are actually pretty good. Well, Petunia's being horrible, but what else is new? 

Anyway, I got lot's of presents from Mum and Dad, and my friends sent stuff to. Mostly candy and school stuff. 

You won't believe what James made me. A scrapbook of my first five years at Hogwarts filled with photographs and other memories. He left room for me to add stuff as things happen, as well. How sweet is that? 

Oh, and guess who sent me a gift? You'll never believe it. 

Snape. 

I know, I was shocked. Anyway, he sent me a very pretty green silk scarf, with the simple message "I couldn't resist--it matches your eyes. -SS." 

At first I was puzzled, but well, I only know one person with those initials. It really is a very nice gift. And such a surprise. Maybe Snape's not so bad after all. 

Anyway, Mum and Dad have agreed to let me go to Weasley's to stay with Virginia on New Year's Eve. Her family's having a party and she invited a bunch of us. 

I'm going to stay there until it's time to return to Hogwarts. It should be fun, you know that I always have a lot of fun with Vinny. 

Erin, Alice, and Elaine will be there too. Can you imagine the trouble the five of us will get into away from Hogwarts? 

It'll be pretty fun. 

Besides, it also means that I get to escape Petunia earlier than I had thought. Yea! 

More Soon,   
Lily 

Hermione frowned as she reread the entry. 

Virginia Weasley? Who was she? 

Lily had mentioned "Vinny" in passing before, along with the other girls who were her best friends, though she didn't mention them as often as she did the boys, mainly because the boys caused more trouble. 

Still, this was the first time, Lily had given Vinny a first and last name. 

And Hermione wondered how it was possible. She knew the Weasley family genealogy pretty well, Molly had gone over it with her on her last trip to the Burrow because she had expressed a lot of curiosity, and Hermione knew that she never mentioned another Virginia. 

Shaking her head, Hermione continued to read. 

_New Year's Day, 1975   
Dear Diary, _

Happy New Year! Sorry, I haven't written since Christmas. 

I've been horribly busy. 

I'm at Vinny's, just like planned. 

Last night her family had a **huge** New Year's Eve Party and it was **so** much fun. 

Vinny's entire family was there in full force. It would be so cool to have four siblings, especially ones like Vinny's. 

Of course, I could always get stuck with four Petunia's, wouldn't that be horrible? 

Anyway, Vinny's eldest brother, Arthur and his wife, Molly, were there with their four kids. 

The kids came a couple days early and we were able to play with them. They are so adorable. Bill is seven, he'll be eight this March, Charlie is six, he will be seven in November, Daniel is four, he'll be five in July, and little Beth is two, she'll turn three in May. 

I really like Molly and Arthur, though they're both a lot older than me. Still, they've been really kind to me. 

Molly is so sweet, she's very much the mothering type. Vinny told me that she and Arthur intend to have at least two more children in the near future. I can see that, Molly seems like the type who'd want a big family to smother with love and affection. 

Anyway, Vinny's other siblings were there as well. And guess what? 

Chloe, who's about five year's older than us, brought **Lucius Malfoy** as her date to the party! You should have seen the explosion, **that** caused. 

Everyone knows that the Malfoy family's connections are less than pure and there have been a ton of rumours that they are in with You-Know-Who. 

More than that, Lucius and Arthur have hated each other since they were back at Hogwarts together. Apparently, the rivalry between them was even worse than it is between the guys and Snape. Can you even imagine that? Anyway, needless to say, he did not take the news that his sister is dating Lucius Malfoy well. 

Besides that, the party was basically a lot of fun. The boys were there (my boys, I mean). 

Sirius hit on Vinny all night, while Remus and Erin flirted and Peter talked with this Hufflepuff fourth year who's name I can't remember, but who lives near the Weasley's. 

I spent most of the night with James. 

We danced, talked, and then went off somewhere to be alone. It made me wish that we were back at Hogwarts with his invisibility cloak, because you know, when we're there, we can do a lot more than we were able to. 

I love being with him. I love touching him and having him touch me. 

It's strange. 

When, I was little, I always thought love would be about grand passion. That I would burn up every time he touched me, that I would crave him with my entire being. That he would be all I thought about, all I needed to survive. 

That's not the way it is with James, but we have is better. 

James completes me. When I'm with him I feel safe, but at the same time free. I know I could do anything and he would support me. He's my best friend as well as the man I love and the reality is much better than the girlish expectations. 

I really think that I will probably marry him someday. Everyone else thinks so too. 

But then, we all know that Alice is going to marry Frank Longbottom, so... And everyone thinks that Remus and Erin will probably hook up. 

Some thing's are obviously just meant to be... 

I'll Write More Later,   
Lily 

Hermione stared at the entry in shock. 

Vinny was Ron's aunt? But how? And four siblings? 

But Ron had always told Hermione he only had one uncle and one aunt on his father's side. Neither Vinny or Chloe was ever mentioned. Why not? What had happened? 

She had known about Daniel and Beth. In the summer before their sixth year, Molly had told her about the small son and daughter she had lost during the first war, which is why she was so afraid for her other children's safety. 

Still, Molly had never once mentioned that Arthur had had two other sisters, which now struck Hermione as strange. 

And Alice was Neville's mother? 

Hermione paused. They had been in their fifth year when Neville had shakily confessed the truth about his parents to her, Ron, and Harry. 

Still, Hermione found it strange to read about Neville's mother long before Voldemort turned her insane. 

Hermione closed the diary, then got up and got the box out. She carefully removed the Memory Book and flipped through it, stopping once she found what she was looking for. 

A picture of the five girls. 

It was clearly marked. _Virginia Weasley, Elaine Wyse, Lily Evans, Erin Figg, and Alice DiSepier_. 

It was on a page marked _1st Year_. 

Hermione studied the picture. 

Vinny was very much a Weasley, there could be no doubt about that. Her red hair clearly marked her as one, and, though her eyes were a stormy grey instead of blue, she looked quite a bit like Ginny. 

Strange, really. 

Though, as pretty as Vinny had been, the other redhead in the picture outshone her. Hermione had seen pictures of Lily before, but once again she was amazed by just how beautiful and alive Harry's mother had looked. 

Hermione looked briefly at the other three girls, seeing something familiar about Elaine Wyse and noticing that Neville had taken after Alice in several ways. 

Then, she closed the album and put it away. Then, she lay down on her bed to think. There were so many surprises already and she had just begun to read. 

How much would she learn by the time she finished? 

The very idea of it all kind of scared her.   
*** 


	8. Part Eight: An Accomplice

Memories of the Heart   
By Misha 

_Disclaimer and Rating in Chapter One._

_Author's Notes- Someone mentioned that I focused more on the past than the present and that I'm not developing Hermione as much, so this chapters focuses mainly on here. There's a little past stuff, but it's mainly present. Well, that's all for now, enjoy!_

Chapter Eight- An Accomplice

"Hermione, is something wrong?" Harry asked her the next day as they went over some stuff together in his room. "You seem distracted." 

"Oh, it's just I have a lot on my mind." Hermione told him. 

She wished that she could tell him everything, but she couldn't. Not until she discovered whatever secret Lily had kept hidden in her diary. 

Hermione was starting to see that it could be very bad indeed and if it was... Well, Harry worshipped his mother, saw no faults in her and Hermione wasn't going to be the one to tarnish his image of her. 

Not when it was all that Harry had. 

Luckily Harry seemed to accept her explanation without question. "Well, if you need anything, remember that I'll always be here for you." 

Hermione smiled at him. 

"I know." She whispered. "Believe me, above all else, I know that I can always count on you." 

Hermione wrapped her arms around Harry, with a smile he tightened his around her. 

They stood there for a long moment, just getting comfort from one another, when the door opened. 

"Harry, you in here?" Ron called and then he stopped and stared at the two of them. "Oh my God." 

"It's not what you think." Hermione protested, stepping out of the embrace. 

"It's not?" Ron asked bitterly. "You mean my best friend and my girlfriend aren't sneaking around behind my back?" 

"No!" Harry and Hermione said at once. 

"We're just friends." Harry assured him. "Hermione was upset, so I comforted her. Nothing else." 

Ron looked skeptical, but he didn't argue the point. 

"Well, what about Ginny and Malfoy are they **just friends**, too?" He asked with a sneer. 

Harry paled. 

Hermione looked between the two. "What's going on?" 

"Ginny's dating Malfoy." Ron said flatly. "And _he_ knew about it." 

"Ginny knew that you'd react badly, so she asked me to keep her secret." Harry explained. "It wasn't my place to tell. Besides, she and Draco are my friends too." 

Ron sneered. "Of course. I forgot for a moment that you and Malfoy were the best of friends." 

"Ron..." Hermione said warningly. 

"Don't!" He snapped at her. "This has nothing to do with you. It's between me and Harry." 

Hermione was about to say something, but Harry stopped her. 

"He's right, 'Mione." He said softly. "Why don't you go back to your room?" 

Hermione nodded. "All right." 

She glanced at Ron briefly, before she slipped out the door. 

Once she was back in her own room, she grabbed the diary and settled down with it. 

She needed a distraction and Lily's words were certainly that. 

_January 7th, 1975   
Dear Diary, _

Well, school has started again. 

It's strange. We're in this place, but... 

Well, there's a darkness that's hard to avoid. The war is slowly gathering steam and I think before it's over, none of us will be the same. 

Sirius and James are already talking about becoming Aurors when they're done school. Elaine and Erin are too. Especially Erin, after all her Mom's an Auror. 

That's not for me, though. **I'm** going to be a teacher. I already know that that's what I want to do with my life. 

Still, that's years away. 

I mean, I have to finish my own education first. 

Which sometimes seems like it will never happen. I mean I like Hogwarts, but sometimes the seven years seem endless. 

There are definitely times when I long for a day when I never have to live with Petunia again. 

I mean, can you blame me? I mean it's not like we have a close friendly bond. As if. 

Well, that's all for now. I can't think any more. 

Bye!   
- Lily 

Hermione looked at the book and shook her head. 

It was strange how similar things were. She herself wanted to be a teacher and the boys wanted to work at the Ministry. 

"Hermione?" 

Hermione looked up to see Ginny standing there. 

She smiled gently. "Hey. I heard about you and Draco and Ron's reaction." 

Ginny grimaced. "Yeah. Sorry I didn't tell you myself. I just didn't want to put you in the middle." 

"I understand." Hermione assured. "Do you want to talk now?" 

Ginny nodded. "Yeah. I just needed the distraction." 

Her eyes fell on the book in Hermione's hands. "What are you reading?" 

Hermione paused, debating whether to tell her friend and then decided that she should. Ginny was the closest female friend that she had and Hermione wanted to talk about the books about someone and Ginny seemed like the best bet. 

"Sit down." Hermione invited. 

Ginny did as she was told. 

"I found these when school started." Hermione began. "They were hidden away. They're diaries left by a former Head Girl, but not just any Head Girl. Lily Evans." 

Ginny raised an eyebrow. "Harry's mom?" 

Hermione nodded. "Yeah." 

"Have you told him yet?" Ginny asked. 

Hermione shook her head. "Not yet. I wanted to wait." 

She got up and took out the package, handing the letter to Ginny. 

Ginny read it carefully and then looked at Hermione questioningly, motioning for her to continue. 

"I wanted to wait." Hermione said. "Read the diaries, see what Lily's story is before I tell him. I don't want to tarnish his image of his mother. He worships what he knows about her." 

"He does." Ginny agreed, then shook her head. "Wow. What do the diaries say, have you read them?" 

"I'm just starting to." Hermione said. "I haven't really gotten anywhere yet." 

She briefly summarized what she had read so far. Ginny made a face when she heard about Snape kissing Lily. 

Finally, Hermione paused. "Gin?" 

"Yeah?" 

Hermione took out the Memory Book and handed it to Ginny, flipping to the page where the picture of Lily and her four female friends lay. 

Ginny's eyes widened as she took in the picture of Vinny and the name under the picture. 

"I don't understand." She whispered. "I mean, nobody's ever told me about another Virginia Weasley and this one looks **so** much like me." 

"It gets better." Hermione told her. "Gin, she's definitely your aunt. Lily mentions your parents, Bill, and Charlie here. She refers to the other Virginia, they called her Vinny, as your father's sister." 

"But Aunt Lynnette is my father's only sister." Ginny commented, obviously confused. 

"I know, Ron's told me all about your family." Hermione said. "It gets better, there's mention of another sister as well, Chloe." 

"But how?" Ginny asked. "What happened to them and why have I never heard of them?" 

Hermione shrugged. "I don't know. But I'd like to find out." 

"So would I." Ginny said. 

She looked at Hermione. 

"So why don't we?" She asked. "You have the diaries and I have my family. There's a ton of stuff in storage in our house--old papers and stuff. Maybe there's something there that will help us." 

"That will be great." Hermione said. "There's might be stuff here since at least Vinny was a student at Hogwarts. There's people too. I mean your parents obviously have there reasons for not saying anything, or you'd know why Vinny was, but there are other sources. The teacher's, a lot of them were here then, Sirius and Remus, as well as your brothers, Bill and Charlie." 

Ginny nodded. "Well, then we'll see what we can find." 

"Definitely." Hermione agreed with a smile, glad that she had someone to share this mystery with.   
*** 


	9. Part Nine: Nothing Will Tear Us Apart

Memories of the Heart   
By Misha 

_Disclaimer and Notes in Chapter One._

Chapter Nine- Nothing Will Tear Us Apart

"You okay?" 

About an hour after Ginny left Hermione's room, a familiar voice invaded her thoughts. 

Hermione looked up, not at all surprised to see Harry there. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." Hermione told him, patting the seat next to her on the bed for Harry to join her. "How did it go with Ron?" 

Harry made a face. 

"Badly." He admitted. "But then, really, things haven't been great between us for a while." 

"No." Hermione agreed. 

Harry shook his head. "If you had told me seven years ago, that Draco would replace Ron as my best friend, I would laugh in your face." 

"Has he?" Hermione asked quietly. 

Harry nodded. "Yeah." 

Harry and Hermione sat in silence for a long moment. 

"Ron and I started drifting apart a long time ago." Harry said finally. "There were a lot of little things, things that were there all along, but eventually grew bigger. But I don't think the problems started until fifth year." 

"When you joined the Order of the Phoenix." Hermione said quietly. 

At the beginning of their fifth year, Harry had been approached by Dumbledore about joining a secret organization to resist Voldemort, the Order of the Phoenix. Harry had readily agreed. 

Both Hermione and Ron had been hurt by the fact that Harry was suddenly absent a lot and the fact that he was very secretive. 

Of course, they now understood, he was under orders. 

But even when they did find out, Hermione suspected that Ron was jealous that Harry was asked instead of him. 

It got worse when Harry and Draco became friends. Especially when Harry couldn't explain the circumstances between the change of heart. 

After all, though Hermione still didn't know all the details, she knew that the friendship was at least started by Draco turning sides and joining the Order. 

As the final battle grew closer, both Hermione and Ron joined the Order as well. The only reason they hadn't been allowed to before, was because as a rule they were trying to keep the children out of it, if possible. 

Harry was an exception, because he was Voldemort's main target. And Draco, because he was already involved. 

Although, Ron and Hermione didn't know that until the war was over. All they had was Harry's word that Draco had changed. 

"Hermione, you don't know what those first days in the Order were like." Harry said finally. "There were so few of us and so much darkness. The Ministry couldn't be trusted, we didn't know who was working for Voldemort and who wasn't, and I wasn't allowed to tell you or Ron anything. And then there was Draco who was the only person my age." 

"Why did you trust him?" Hermione asked. "I mean, I'm sure I would have doubted him." 

"I did, for a minute." Harry said. "Then I looked at him and I just knew that he was telling the truth. Besides, Dumbledore put him under the truth serum." 

Hermione nodded. "Ahh." 

"That's what changed things between Draco and I." Harry told her. "The things he said... It was like I had never really known before. And that changed things." 

"And now?" Hermione asked. 

"He understands me in a way Ron doesn't." Harry said softly. "He knows what it's like to be lonely, to be trapped in an image." 

"What happened tonight?" Hermione asked, understanding what Harry was saying. 

Harry sighed. 

"A lot of harsh words." He said softly. "He called me a traitor for not telling him about Draco and Ginny. I tried to tell him I was just keeping a confidence. It went downhill from there." 

"I'm sorry." Hermione said quietly. 

"Don't be." Harry told her. "Ron and I have been heading towards this pint for a long time. It had to happen sooner or later, I just hope that it won't change our friendship." 

"Of course not." Hermione assured him. "You're my best friend in the entire world. Nothing will change that, I promise you." 

"Good. Because I don't know what I'd do if I lost you, 'Mione." Harry told her softly. 

She just smiled and hugged him tight. 

She couldn't even bare to imagine a world without Harry. It was too awful to even contemplate.   
*** 

**Rosezgarden**: I'm glad you like it, I'll try to update again soon. 

**Gabby_Evans**: I'm glad you like the way the story goes back and forth between the marauders era and the current time line. Lily and Hermione are my two favourite characters as well, which is one of the reasons I wrote this. Hermione was the one that found the diary because Lily set a very specific spell that only one person would be able to find it. The reason that Hermione is that person will be revealed later on, near the end of the story. I don't want to give the plot away. I'll try to update as often as I can, I'm glad that you're enjoying reading this. 

**Hermione2003Potter**: I'm glad you like the idea of Hermione finding Lily's things. The idea of Snape and Lily does take some getting used to admit, but I adore Snape, so... As for Vinny, well, that secret will be revealed in due time. I promise. 

**radioactivekitten**: I'm glad you like this story and think it has potential. I have every intention to continue this story as often as I can. It's very important to me. 

**tta**: I'm glad you like and the L/S/J triangle will heat up soon, I promise. I'm glad you like it. As for H/Hr, sorry, but that's where my shipperdom lies. I can't stand R/Hr. However, thank you for the compliment. 

**AcidAngelTears**: Thank you. I'll try to update often, but I can't always get access to the net. 

**GingerRed**: Thank you for your compliment. I'm glad you like this story. Lily's journal will keep revealing secrets while the R/H/Hr thing will blow up eventually. As for Harry and Ron, well, things are already pretty strained and it will get worse before it gets better. 

**naome**: Wow, a R/H fan who likes an H/H fanfic, that really is a compliment, thank you. I'm desperately waiting for Order of the Phoenix as well, but I'll try to keep updating this, it's just that my net access is limited. 

**Shooting-Star**: Thank you, I'm glad you like the story. The idea fascinated me and I couldn't resist writing it. I'm glad you like how I portray Lily, we're going to delve even deeper into her psyche as the story unfolds. 

**Ohepelss_Oramtnci**: I'm glad you like this. As for why the bracelet is in the box, wait and see, I promise that it will be explained in good time. 


	10. Part Ten: Talking to Sirius

Memories of the Heart   
By Misha 

_Disclaimer and Notes in Chapter One._

Chapter Ten- Talking to Sirius

"Sirius, can I ask you something?" Hermione asked the next afternoon. 

Sirius, who had been cleared of all charges the summer before their sixth year, was the DADA teacher at Hogwarts. 

"Sure." Sirius said. "What's up?" 

Hermione bit her lip. She had carefully worked out her story, not wanting to tell anyone except Ginny about the diaries yet. 

"I found this at the bottom of one of the drawers in my room." She said, pulling out the picture of the five girls. 

She handed it to Sirius. 

He took it and smiled sadly. "I had forgotten about this... Those were the days, the five of them and the four of us." 

"Who are they?" Hermione asked. "I mean, I know their names, it's on the back and that one of them is Harry's mother and that another is Neville's, but what about the other three?" 

Sirius expression was grim. 

"Two of the three are dead." He said quietly. 

Hermione closed her eyes. "I'm sorry. Which two?" 

But she suspected that Vinny had to be one of them. 

"Vinny Weasley and Erin Figg." Sirius said quietly. "They were both murdered by Death Eaters." 

Hermione bit her lip. She had been afraid of that. 

"Weasley? Was she related to Ron? Because I've never heard of her." 

"She was his aunt." Sirius said. "Arthur's youngest sister. And no, you wouldn't have heard her name. No one ever talks about her. It's too hard." 

Hermione was quiet for a moment. "What happened?" She asked softly. 

"It's not my place." Sirius told her. "I'm sorry, but it's not." 

Hermione nodded, understanding. "Thank you." 

Sirius looked directly at her. "Hermione, don't go nosing into this. It's not a pleasant story and there's too many ghosts that will be reawakened. Leave it alone." 

Hermione nodded, but knew in her heart that she couldn't do that. She had uncovered the diary for a reason--surely she was meant to discover all the secrets contained in it, right?   
*** 

**Ohepless Oramtnci**- Snape and Lily are definitely going to become involved, but you're going to have wait and see how it happens and what the circumstances are. 

**Shooting-Star**- I'm glad you like it. I'll try to write more when I can. 

**Andufeniel**- I'm glad you like it. I update when I can. 

**gingerred**- I'm glad you like this and I think you'll like what I have planned. As for Hermione showing Ginny the diary, I decided that she needed am accomplice. 

**Indy**- I like new reviewers and I'm glad you decided to review, thank you! I'm glad you like this story. I adore Harry and Hermione, so lots of that in the future. Things will get really bad for Ron and Hermione soon, but Harry and Hermione won't come together right away. There'll be lot's of obstacles in their path. 

**Ginny001**- The number of reviews doesn't matter to me, I'm just glad that people are reading this and that they like it. I like Draco/Ginny too. 

**AcidAngelTears**- I'm glad you like what I have so far, the plot is definitely thickening. Lot's of twists and turns ahead. As for Ron... I don't like him in general, so I don't write him in a flattering light, but I can't see him reacting well to knowing that his sister is dating Malfoy... 


	11. Part Eleven: Relating

Memories of the Heart   
By Misha 

_Disclaimer and Rating in Chapter One._

_Author's Notes- After reading OotP, I was dismayed by how much of this story is now wrong. I considered changing it, but since I'd have to rewrite the entire thing, I decided against that. Instead, I chose to continue on the way I was going. This is now very much an AU, so disregard most of what is revealed to us in OotP when you read this, since the two most definitely clash. The one thing I did go back in change, was the name of Neville's mother. I had her name being Christina, but we now know it's Alice, and since that's a small thing that might confuse the readers, I decided to change it. But everything else I have written stays. Well, that's all, enjoy!_

Chapter Eleven- Relating

When Hermione got back to her room, she opened up Lily's diary. She read for a while, until an entry jumped out at her. 

_January 29th, 1975 _

Dear Diary, 

James is starting to get suspicious. 

You see, I've been meeting Severus in secret. We've become friends and I know that the boys wouldn't approve, that's why we hide our meetings. 

I don't want them to stop. I really, really enjoy his company. In the five years that I've known him, I'd never realized how truly intelligent he is. 

He can have long conversations on any subject. Even Muggle-related things. That's what truly amazes me. He's always been so disdainful when it comes to Muggles, yet he knows much more about them then James or the boys, who have always had a much more-enlighted attitude towards Muggles and Muggle-borns. Strange, huh? 

Well, I have to go. I'm meeting Severus in the library. 

More Soon,   
Lily 

Hermione read the entry in amazement. 

She had become so used to Lily's scornful comments about Snape, that this entry almost seemed gushy in comparison. 

Also, none of the information revealed seemed to fit the picture of Professor Snape that Hermione had long held in her mind. 

She shook her head and moved on to the next entry. 

_February 2nd, 1975 _

Dear Diary, 

James and I are fighting right now. Last night he demanded that I tell him where I was sneaking off to and I refused, really it's none of his business. It's not like I'm cheating on him or anything. 

Anyway, he freaked and we got into a huge screaming match. Now we're not talking to one another. 

The worst part is, it affects everyone. The girls are on my side and the boys are on his. So no one's speaking to each other. Even Erin and Remus got into a fight. It's a disaster! 

I know that if I stopped seeing Severus, it might make things better. But I can't do it. I don't want to give up his friendship. 

Is that so very wrong? 

- Lily 

Hermione read the last entry several times. 

She could relate to Lily's words. Many a time she and Ron had fought over her closeness with Harry, but there was still nothing in the world that could convince her to give that up. 

She smiled slightly, thinking about how easy it was too relate to Lily. She seemed so real, but more than that, Hermione could see lot's of similarities between the two of them. 

After a moment of reflection, she put the diary back under her pillow. She was going to go see Ron, it had been a while since they had spend time together, just the two of them. It might be nice.   
*** 


	12. Part Twelve: Disturbing Thoughts

Memories of the Heart   
By Misha 

_Disclaimer and Notes in Chapter One._

Part Twelve- Disturbing Thoughts

Hermione smiled contentedly as she lay cuddled up in Ron's arms. 

She had been right, some alone time did the trick. It definitely eased the tension that had been between them for a long time. 

They had spent the last several hours together. Starting out with a game wizarding chess in the common room and ending up in her dorm, cuddled up together on her bed. 

Ron's arm was around her waist, his hand resting on her stomach, and she was leaned up against him with her head on his shoulder. 

"I love you, Hermione." Ron whispered in her ear. 

"I love you too." She told him, turning around so that she was facing. 

She then reached up and kissed him. Ron's arms tightened around her as the kiss deepened and she started running her fingers through his hair. It didn't take long for them to shift potions on the bed, so that they were both laying down with Ron half on top of her. 

_We should stop._ Hermione thought, as Ron's hands began to slip inside her robes to caress the skin that lay under them. 

_No, it feels too good... Besides maybe it's time._ She told herself silently. _After all Harry and I have been together a long time..._

Suddenly, Hermione jolted back to Earth and pulled away. Unable to believe what she had just thought. Harry?! How could she have been thinking of Harry when she was with Ron! 

"'Mione what's wrong?" Ron asked, obviously a little disgruntled at the forcefulness with which she pulled away. 

"I'm not ready yet." Hermione said, not sure what else to say. "I'm sorry, Ron, I'm just..." 

"I understand." Ron told her, standing up. "I love you, Hermione and I told you, I'd wait until your ready. I mean that." 

"I know." Hermione said, feeling dreadful. "I thought I was." 

Ron didn't answer. "I'm gonna go." Ron told her curtly. 

Hermione nodded, not trying to stop him. She knew Ron was more than a little frustrated at this moment and she couldn't blame him. 

She had gone from hot to cold without any notice. Hermione shivered. What in the world had made her think about Harry at that moment? 

Of course she wasn't in love with Harry. She loved Ron, had always loved Ron. So why had _Harry's name popped into her head when she was in Ron's arms? What was wrong with her? _

Hermione closed her eyes and tried to visualize the moment that had been ruined. 

She could see the male body, cradling hers. Could practically feel the gentle hands on her skin and the feel of lips against her own. She leaned her head against her pillow, as the fantasy continued. She could see herself running her fingers through the silky black locks... 

Suddenly she sat up with a jolt. Black locks! Ron didn't have black hair. 

Hermione buried her head in her hands. Why was she thinking about Harry like this? She never had before. 

He was her best friend. Nothing else. It had always been that way and she didn't want to change, did she? 

No, of course not. She loved Ron. Harry was just her friend. That's the way it had to be. 

Hermione shook her head. It was just a fluke. It wouldn't happen again. 

Or, at least, she sincerely hoped not...   
*** 

**Trixi Hellfire**- I love Lily and Snape together as well, so I can promise at least some lovely moments between the two, though there will also be lots of angst. Draco and Ginny will only have a small part in this, but they will have a couple fluffy moments since I love them too. 

**The Elfin Child**- I'm glad you like it and I apologize for taking so long between the chapters. I'm glad you like what I have so far. I like crazy reviews, so feel free to leave them in the future. They make things interesting. **firebolt8806- I'm glad you like it and I promise to update when I can! **

**Andufeniel**- I love D/G and H/Hr too. This will be more H/Hr than D/G, but they will have a small role in this. I'm not quite sure yet what's going to happen to Ron, but I can pretty much guarantee that he's not going to be too happy. I agree, that it's more rewarding when it takes a while for the couple to get together, which will definitely be the case here. 

**Indy**- The reason the last chapter was so short, is because I was hit with a severe case of writer's block and wanted to post what I had before there was a huge delay in the chapters. Still, I'm glad you like this story and that you're still reading it. ****

NickyGirl- I'm glad you like it, I'm sorry it was so long between updates, I've had a big case of writer's block, but I promise to try and get the chapters out more regularly from this point on. 

**Ohepless Oramtnci**- Hermione has always struck me as the kind of character who would snoop. As for why they have to be together, because it fits the story and because I want them together. 

**michelline**- I'm glad you like it. I have to admit I was fascinated by the idea of Hermione learning more about Lily, which is how this was born. 

**AArie Granger**- I'm glad you like it, as well as the pairings I've chosen. 

**AideeEight**- I'm glad you like it. I hope you enjoy the twists and turns I have planned. 

**Tinyniel**- That's quite a compliment, that a R/Hr, H/G shipper is reading an H/Hr fanfic. I'm glad you like the story and thank you so much for the feedback! 

**Milah Luciana Merverosa****- I'm sorry it's been so long between updates, between real life and writer's block, I've had no time nor inspiration for this story, but that has changed now and I hope to update frequently in the next few weeks. **

**Hermione2003Potter**- It's okay, I do that all the time, I'm just glad that you found it again! I'm glad you like what I have so far and I promise that the information and the twists and turns will keep coming. 

**mcnugget**- I'm glad you like it! 

**padfoots girl**- I'm glad you like it, I will make an effort to try and lengthen the chapters, but it's not always easy, as sometimes I change directions and the story parts need to be separated into different chapters. 

**celestrialeclipse**- I'll try. 

**Hullabuloo**- Thank you. 

**ears91**- Thank you, and yes, I have every intention of continuing with this story. 

**cfgd**- Thank you. I'll try to add more detail, but as for Harry and Hermione making love, it will only happen when the moment is right and that won't be for quite sometime, as Hermione is still dating Ron and nothing will happen between her and Harry until that changes. 

**Alex**- Thank you, I will. 


	13. Part Thirteen: Enter Draco

Memories of the Heart   
By Misha 

_Disclaimer and Rating in Chapter One._

_Author's Notes- For anyone who is insterested, I am looking for a beta-reader/someone to discuss ideas with. I want someone to read over what I've written and make sure it all makes sense as well as to bounce ideas for chapters off since it all tends to be dancing in my mind. If you're interested e-mail me at misha_beth@yahoo.com. Thanks! Oh, and I've made some serious changes to this story, mainly in chapter seven, since it fits with where I've decided to take the story in the future, please go back and read it. Thanks, again, I hope you enjoy!_

Part Thirteen- Enter Draco

Later, after she had calmed down and convinced herself that her thoughts had just been the product of spending so much time with Harry, Hermione pulled out Lily's diary and decided to read it. 

It would help take her mind off things. 

_February 4th, 1975   
Dear Diary, _

You'll never believe what happened today! Vinny got a letter from her sister Chloe this morning--she eloped with Lucius Malfoy! 

Vinny was shocked and she said that her father's going to freak. Apparently Chloe doesn't care. 

In fact, she even said that she was sick of being known as part of the blood-traitor Weasley clan. She did say that she loved Vinny and that she hoped it wouldn't affect their relationship, but that she didn't give a damned how anyone else reacted. 

Vinny was pretty upset and is waiting on pins and needles to see how it all goes down. 

The interesting part was Narcissa Black's reaction to the news. You see, according to Sirius (Narcissa's cousin--though neither will willingly admit it), there's been an unspoken agreement between the Black and Malfoy families for years that Narcissa and Lucius would marry when she graduated. So, it's a slap in the face that Lucius chose to run away with a Weasley instead. 

It was kind of fun watching her blow up when she read the letter. Quite interesting indeed. 

Well that's all for now,   
- Lily 

P.S- James and I are still fighting. He is **so** stubborn. 

Hermione dropped the diary in surprise. 

Lucius had been married to someone other than Draco's mother?! And that person was Ron and Ginny's aunt? It didn't seem possible. 

Yet, there it was right before her eyes. Hermione grabbed the diary and jumped off her bed. 

She ran towards Ginny's dorm, but stopped when she got there. Ginny and Draco were in the midst of a rather intense make-out session. 

"I'm sorry..." Hermione murmured in embarrassment when the couple broke apart. "I just... I found some information." 

Ginny pulled away from Draco. "Really?" She asked eagerly. 

"Information about what?" Draco asked in a short voice, he looked quite flushed and a little irritated at being interrupted. 

"I told you about the diaries 'Mione found." Ginny said, then she looked at Hermione. "Is that okay? He promised not too tell. It's just that I tell him everything." 

"It's fine. I know how you feel, I tell Harry everything myself, the only reason that I haven't told him about the diaries is because I don't want to cause him pain." Hermione said, oblivious to the knowing look Draco and Ginny shared. "In fact, I'm glad Draco knows, he can help me with what I found." 

"How?" Draco and Ginny asked at the same time. 

"Draco, did you know your father was married before he married your mother?" Hermione asked. 

Draco nodded. "Yeah. It was mentioned once or twice, but I don't know anything about his first wife. Why?" 

"Read this." Hermione said, handing Ginny the diary and showing her the passage she had just read. 

Ginny finished reading and then stared at Hermione in shock. 

Draco read the passage quickly and looked just as startled as his girlfriend. "My father was married to a Weasley?!" He exclaimed. 

Ginny glared at him. "You don't need to sound so shocked. There's nothing wrong with us." 

"I know that." Draco placated. "But my father... You have to admit, he's never liked your family." 

"True." Ginny said after a moment. 

"The diary, it says that your father and Lucius already hated each other." Hermione said. "Apparently, he freaked when Chloe started dating him." 

"Interesting." Ginny said slowly, she turned to Draco. "Do you think you can try and see what you can find about your father's first marriage?" 

"Sure." Draco answered without hesitation. "I have to admit, I'm pretty curious." 

"That makes three of us." Hermione told him. "And I just hope that's enough to try and solve what is turning into one Hell of a mystery."   
*** 

**sidra**- Thank you, I'm glad you like it. 

**jaymers**- I'm glad you like it. 

**ILuvMoony**I'm glad you like it. I'll try not to have too many cliff-hangers, but they're so much fun! 

**samantha**- I'm glad you like it, that means a lot. I'll try to update when I can. 

**amy**- Thank you, I'm glad you like it. 

**Misao_Seta**- I'm glad you like it. I love H/Hr too. I'll try to update when I can. 

**Hayley**- I'm glad you like it. I'm glad you like how I'm mixing Lily's story with Hermione's. As for continuing it, most definitely. This is a high priority for me. I just haven't had a lot of time lately, I've also had computer problems. 

**plissken**- I'm glad you like it, sorry I don't update often. Computer issues. As for H/Hr, be patient, it's coming. I promise. 

**Hermione2003Potter**- I'm glad you like it and it'll never be r/hr, because I can't abide the thought. Ugh. 

**Mere_Elfin_Snape**- A R/Hr shipper reading an H/Hr fic. Wow. I'm very flattered. I love Lily/Snape too and I have lot's more to come on that front. 

**babygirl4u**- I'm glad you like it and thank you for the compliment. As for the questions, they will be answered. Eventually. I hope this chapter wet your appetite for Chloe/Lucius, lot's more to come on that front. Including at least one very interesting twist. You're right, they're are definite paralells between D/G and L/C. 

**gingerred**- I'm glad that you like it and I'm glad that's it surprising you. As for chapter length... I get hit frequently by writer's block and once I manage to finish a story segment, I have no idea how long it'll be before I get to the new one and I don't want to keep people waiting longer than I have to. That's why they're so short. 

**DMH**- I'm glad that you like it. I'm trying to think of the ending, but I have a feeling that's still quite a ways away. 

**Lady Stag**- I'll try to continue when I can. Hermione and Harry will happen eventually, but neither of them wants to hurt Ron. They'll be very conflicted. 

**Tinyniel**- Definitely poor Hermione and it's going to get worse for her. She's going to be very confused in coming chapters. 

**stag's girl**- I intend to continue often. As for Hermione, I left it there on purpose. I'll go back later and explain what's going on in her head, though. 

**PunkPrincess**- I'm glad you like it. I update when I can. 

**Ohepless_Oramtnci**- Don't worry, it'll happen. Eventually. But it'll be a long road to get them to that point. 

**Captain Oblivious**- For now the other Marauders are staying out of it. It's a personal matter, but that won't always be the case... As for why I take so long to update, I've had computer problems. 

**ears91**- Hermione's going to have a lot of doubts and self-obsession ahead of her. Wait and see. 


	14. Part Fourteen: Is A Kiss Just A Kiss?

Memories of the Heart   
By Misha 

_Disclaimer and Notes in Chapter One._

Part Fourteen- Is A Kiss Just A Kiss?

After sharing her discovery with Ginny and Draco, it had been a couple of days before Hermione was able to look at the diary again. 

She had just had so much homework since it was their seventh year and their NEWTs **were** approaching. Hermione also had Head Girl duties to attend to. 

As soon as she was able to, she curled up in her room with the diaries, eager to read what Lily had to say. 

She liked being able to lose herself in Lily's words and Lily's world. 

_February 16th, 1975 _

Dear Diary, 

I'm an awful person. 

James and I finally made up on Valentine's Day. We were miserable being apart on such a romantic day, so we made up. Though he's annoyed that I won't tell him where I keep sneaking off too. Still, he hated us being so mad at each other, so he decided just to accept my secrecy. 

That's why I've been too busy to write. 

But yesterday I did something terrible. Something absolutely awful and the worst part is I think I'd do it again... 

~*~   
"So you and Potter made up?" Severus asked as they met in their corner of the library like they did most nights. 

"Yeah." Lily agreed. "I hate fighting with him." 

"You're too good for him." Severus told her, brushing a hand against her hair. 

Lily looked up at him with a smile. "I think you're a little biased." She said fondly. 

She looked at Severus and found it hard to believe that only a few months earlier she hadn't been able to stand him. 

"Besides, I love him." She said softly. 

"Do you?" Severus asked her. "Do you really love him?" 

"Of course I do." Lily answered, surprised that he asked. "I've always loved James." 

"And you're supposed to." Severus said mockingly. "The two of you are supposed to be together, so you are. But do you love him or do you think you love him because he's what everyone expects of you?" 

Lily stared at him. "What brought this on?" She demanded. "Of course I love James! How can you even ask?" 

Severus didn't answer. Instead, he leaned down and kissed her. 

Just like the last time he kissed her, Lily felt her arms weave around his neck as she responded. She pressed her body up against him and began threading her fingers through his hair. 

They finally pulled away, breathless. 

As soon as Severus released her, reality hit Lily with a thud. She couldn't believe what she had done. With a strangled cry, she gathered her books and ran out of the library.   
~*~ 

_Diary, the worst part is that I don't regret it. Not really. _

I've never been kissed like that. 

Don't get me wrong, James is a good kisser and I love him, but... His kisses lack the same passion that Sev's had. 

When Severus kissed me, I felt as if I was the one thing in the world he wanted and the way he looked at me... 

Diary, I have to wonder? Does he feel more than friendship for me? In that one moment, I'd swear that I was his heart's desire. 

It's a disconcerting feeling. I know James' loves me and I love him, but has James ever needed me? 

I don't know. I do know that I'm connected to Severus in a way I don't even understand, but I know that James can't compete with it. Isn't that strange? 

My head is so muddled right now. I'll write more when I can think straight. 

- Lily 

Hermione stared at the entry. 

She understood Lily's words, better than she should be able to. 

She knew that feeling exactly. She loved Ron and wanted to be with him, but he could never compete with the connection she and Harry shared. 

Hermione wondered, not for the first time, what it would be like to feel Harry's lips against hers, his hands on her body. 

Suddenly she shook her head, to get the picture out of her mind. That thought was wrong and dangerous. 

Harry was her best friend, nothing else. He couldn't be anything else. She decided to study. That would take her mind off everything that she had read. 

Or at least she hoped that it would.   
*** 

"'Mione?" 

Hermione looked up from her books to see Harry standing in her doorway. 

"Hey, you." She whispered, pushing her books aside. 

Harry entered the room. "Studying?" He asked with a smile. 

"Of course." She answered, smiling back at him. "What's up?" 

Harry sat down beside her. "It's been a couple of days since we've had time to talk. Way too long." 

"Definitely." Hermione agreed. She looked at Harry and was suddenly reminded of the thoughts she'd had when she'd been with Ron the other day. Her cheeks turned red from the memory. 

"What's wrong?" Harry asked, looking at her. 

"Nothing." Hermione dismissed, suddenly flustered. "Why would anything be wrong?" 

"I don't know." Harry shrugged. "You've just seemed odd lately." 

"I have a lot on my mind." Hermione said with a shrug. "It's seventh year after all. In a couple months we go out into the real world." 

Harry grinned. "And the world where you can't always find the answer in a book." He teased, throwing an arm around her. 

Hermione laughed. "Exactly." She looked up at Harry. "I know our school years haven't been typical." 

"That's one word for it." Harry said wryly. 

Hermione frowned. "I'm serious. But, at least the traditional things were always there. After school, the rules change. We won't always all be together." She told him softly. "The three, of us I mean." She added hastily. 

"Of course." Harry said, then he looked deep into her eyes. "'Mione, I'll always be there for you. Wherever I am, all you have to do is send for me and I'll come. I promise." 

Hermione smiled softly. "I know." 

Harry had never let her down. He had been there for her since the day they had met and she was confident that he would always be there. 

They stared into each other's eyes for a long moment and then, before Hermione really realized what was going on she was leaning towards Harry and he was leaning down towards her. An instant later their lips met in a sweet kiss.   
*** 


	15. Part Fifteen: Nothing Will Ever Be the S...

Memories of the Heart   
By Misha 

_Disclaimer and Notes in Chapter One._

Part Fifteen- Nothing Will Ever Be the Same Again

Hermione closed her eyes and let the kiss carry her away. 

It felt perfect. 

Harry deepened the kiss and she gladly followed, being caught up in the passion of his kiss and his touch. Her hands made their way up to thread through his unruly hair and his arms tightened around her. The two of them fell into the kiss, just belonging to the moment. 

Finally, though, they had to break apart to breath and when they did, reality sunk in with a thud. 

Hermione pulled away, as if she had been burnt. She had just kissed Harry. She couldn't believe it. How could she have betrayed Ron like that? 

"'Mione..." Harry began hesitantly, looking just as shattered as she felt. 

"Don't." She whispered. "Don't say anything. Just go. Please." 

Harry looked upset, but he nodded and got up off her bed. He paused at the door and just stared at her for a long moment, his green eyes searing into her soul. She met his gaze and could barely hold back the tears. 

Harry left and she collapsed on her bed. 

What had she done? 

Yet, as wrong as it was, nothing in her life had ever felt more right. It had been so perfect to be in Harry's arms and to feel his lips against hers. It was like coming home after a long journey. 

But it wasn't right. It could never be right, because of Ron. Ron who would be devastated if he knew. 

She couldn't help but think of the last diary entry she had read. Lily's dilemma had become hers. 

Except, in the end, Lily had obviously chosen to do what was right. Hermione might not have known the whole story, but she knew how it ended. She knew that Lily became James wife. 

So, obviously she had managed to overcome her attraction to Snape. Just like Hermione had to overcome what drew her to Harry, she just didn't think it would be easy. 

She adored him. Had always adored him. In this moment of agony she understood that in a way she never had before. 

She had met Ron and Harry the same day and become friends with both at the same time, but her feelings for them had never been equal. 

She and Ron had fought and eventually begun to date. The tension had always been between them, sexual or otherwise. 

With Harry, it had always been smoother. They never fought, she simply adored him and he was always there for her. 

She had begun dating Ron because he was the one who offered, but also because at the time it seemed right. The tension was there and everyone thought that they should date, so obviously he was the one she should be with. 

She never let herself think about any other option. Until this year. Ever since she had found the diary, her perceptions had started to change. 

She had started seeing Ron's flaws and started realizing how much she needed Harry. How much he really meant to her. 

And then, this happened. It would never be the same again. How could they go back? Yet, they had to. 

There was nothing else they could do. Hermione knew that. 

But, at the same time, she didn't want to go back. What she wanted was to do it again, to be in Harry's arms and feel his lips against her own. It was perfect. 

She thought of Lily's last entry and the words she had written about Snape. "_When Severus kissed me, I felt as if I was the one thing in the world he wanted and the way he looked at me... Diary, I have to wonder? Does he feel more than friendship for me? In that one moment, I'd swear that I was his heart's desire. It's a disconcerting feeling. I know James' loves me and I love him, but has James ever needed me?_" 

Hermione understood exactly what Lily meant. Harry had always been her best friend, they had always been connected, but in that moment it was different. 

The way he had looked at her... It was obvious that he was as torn up about betraying Ron as she was, but in the split second before reality had set in, she saw adoration in his eyes. As if she was all he ever wanted and his kiss had felt like that. 

Ron never kissed her that way. Not in the same, heart-breaking way as if she was his heart's desire and that he couldn't bear for the moment to end. 

And when she had met Harry's gaze as he was leaving, the emotion was all there, the truth of his feelings and she knew that the same feelings had been in her eyes. 

She couldn't help but feel that, for all it's wrongness, it was the most perfect moment of her life. The closest to heaven she'd ever get. 

She knew it could never happen again. It was horrible, it was wrong. 

Yet, she couldn't help but wonder, if it was wrong, then why did feel so right?   



	16. Part Sixteen: Good Advice

Memories of the Heart   
By Misha 

_Disclaimer and Notes in Chapter One._

Part Sixteen- Good Advice

_February 21st, 1975 _

Dear Diary, 

These last few days have been Hell. 

I've been avoiding Severus, 'cause I don't know what to say and every time I'm with James, I remember Sev's kiss and I'm over-whelmed with guilt. 

It's horrible. I know I have to talk to Sev, but I don't know how. I don't know what to say. 

The kiss was wrong, yet I can't stop thinking about how right it felt. I love James, I do. So why do I keep thinking about kissing Severus and wishing that it could happen again? 

I'm so damned confused. God, I can't even think right now. 

I'll write more when my head is clear. 

- Lily 

Hermione put the diary down. 

She had picked it up again as soon as Harry had left. She figured that since Lily was going through the same thing, it might help. 

But it hadn't. It had just reminded her of the turmoil she was going through. 

Just then, there was a knock on her door startling her out of her thoughts. 

"Come in." Hermione called shakily, hoping that it wasn't Ron. She just couldn't face him right now. 

To her relief it was Ginny. 

"Would you like to tell me why Harry came into my dorm, grabbed my boyfriend and dragged him away?" The red-headed girl asked as she entered the room. 

"No." Hermione said seriously. "But I will." 

Ginny sat down beside her on the bed. 

"Wait," Hermione said before she began telling Ginny what happened. "How did Draco get in your bedroom? I meant to ask that before. He's not even supposed to be in the Gryffindor Tower, it's against the rules." 

"Prefects can enter other Houses when given permission by the Head of the House or the Head Boy or Girl. We have Harry's permission and last year, I had Snape's." 

"Seriously?" Hermione asked in disbelief. "Snape helped you out?" 

"I know, I was surprised too." Ginny admitted. "But he was good about it, though he did give a warning that inter-House relationships never work and that secrets have a habit of blowing up on you." 

Hermione's mind went automatically to the diary. Something must have happened between Snape and Lily, something which she hadn't gotten to yet. She said as much to Ginny, who nodded in agreement. 

"But, as interesting as that is, we can talk about it later." Ginny told her determinedly. "What happened with Harry?" 

Hermione took a deep breath and looked away, unable to look Ron's sister in the eye as she made her confession. 

"We kissed." She confessed in a shaky voice. "Gin, I know it was wrong, but... It was like nothing I ever experienced before, it was..." 

"It was special." Ginny filled in for her. "Even though you're eaten up by guilt, you can't bring yourself to regret it. You'd never felt like that before, it was as if you were the one thing in the world he wanted, right?" 

"How did you know?" Hermione whispered. 

"Because I've been there." Ginny told her. "My first kiss with Draco was like that. It felt so magical, yet I felt terrible because I never ever wanted to hurt Harry." 

"Did you?" Hermione asked softly. "I mean, he seems supportive of your relationship. Wasn't he upset when you broke up with him for Draco?" 

Ginny was quiet for a long moment. 

"No, because he knew that it was right." She said finally. "Harry knew that he and I weren't meant to be together. We were never in love. We love each other, as friends, but that's it. We'll never be soul mates." 

"Then why were you dating?" Hermione questioned. 

"Because, I'd had a crush on him for so long that I was blind to the obvious and Harry saw it as his duty." Ginny told her. 

"But what about his feelings?" Hermione demanded. "Surely there must have been someone he wanted?" 

Ginny was silent for a long moment. "There are other factors with Harry. Things I'm not at liberty to tell you, you'll have to ask Harry." 

She paused, obviously debating what to say. 

"'Mione, you need to talk to him, tonight." She said finally. "Don't put it off. This will fester like a wound if you don't deal with it right away." 

"All right." Hermione agreed, standing up. "I'll go talk to him now." 

"Good." Ginny told her, looking her straight in the eye. "Because, I think that you guys have a lot to talk about."   



	17. Part Seventeen: Heartbreaking Revelation...

Memories of the Heart   
By Misha 

_Disclaimer and Rating in Chapter One._

_Author's Notes- For some reason, I'm on a role. After months of writer's block, ideas just keep pouring out, left, right and center. In this one, I reveal something that most of you figured out ages ago. But I'll warn you, we're still a **long** way from any happy ending. There's still lot's of suffering left to endure, after all the path to true love is never smooth. Besides, I love playing with the characters emotions, so lot's of that in store. This is a big chapter and I hope you like it. That's all for now, more later!_

Part Seventeen- Heartbreaking Revelations

Hermione headed towards the Head Boy's dormitory, trying to figure out what she'd say to Harry. 

She paused outside the door, trying to get up the nerve to knock when she heard Draco speak. 

"So you kissed her, it's about time." 

"Draco, it's not that easy, you know that!" Harry said, sounding agitated. 

"What I know is that you've been in love with the girl for years and that she absolutely adores you." Draco pointed out calmly. 

Hermione gasped. Harry was in love with her? He couldn't be! Could he? 

"She's in love with Ron." Harry pointed out calmly. 

"Is she?" Draco pointed out. "Or is she just with Weasley because it's what everyone expects? That's why you dated Ginny, after all." 

_How dare he make suggestions like that?_ Hermione fumed silently. But she stayed where she was, needing to hear more of the conversation. 

"I don't know." Harry said quietly. "But I do know that if I told her how I felt it would ruin everything. She's with Ron and even if she doesn't love him, I couldn't hurt him like that, neither of us could. So all that telling her how I feel would do is ruin our friendship and I won't do that. If I can't be with her, then I'll settle for being her best friend." 

Hermione closed her eyes, unable to believe Harry's words. He loved her. Had always loved her. Suddenly, everything was clear and she realized that she loved him too. 

It was perfect, except it wasn't and never could be. Because she was with Ron and she and Harry could never be together. 

Hermione turned and ran back to her room, she wasn't able to face Harry, not now. When she got back to her room, she was grateful to see that Ginny had left. 

She collapsed on the bed and began sobbing. It was so unfair. It was all so clear to her now. 

She and Harry loved each other, had always loved each other. That's why they were so close, why she felt she could always count on him. 

But it didn't matter because the revelation had come to late. If she had figured it out before she had begun to date Ron it would have been different. She and Harry would have been able to be together and be happy, but now... 

Now that could never happen and it was all so painful to realize. 

After a few minutes of sobbing into her pillow, Hermione reached for the diary, needing to bury herself in someone else's unhappiness for a while. 

She read the next few entries, which spoke of Lily's guilt for betraying James and how she was avoiding Severus. 

Then, she came to one entry that made her stop and read it again. 

_March 28th, 1975 _

Dear Diary, 

Severus confronted me today. I've been avoiding him for ages, I just don't know what to say. I don't even know what to feel. 

I've been thinking about it all, in fact I can't think about anything else. 

I love James, I do. I've known since second year that I wanted to be with him and now I am and it's perfect, yet I can't help thinking about Severus. 

I think about him all the time, I keep remembering that kiss and how good it felt. I'm so confused, I don't know what to do. 

Anyway, my talk with Severus was interesting, to say the least... 

"I'm not going to apologize." Severus stated quietly, looking at Lily defiantly. 

Lily didn't say anything. 

"I didn't mean to upset you." He told her after a moment. "I just couldn't wait any longer." 

"Why did you do it?" Lily asked quietly. 

"Because I couldn't help myself, because I can't stop myself from wanting you." He confessed. "I think about you every moment, you and you alone. I watch you with Potter and it tears me up inside. I'm glad I have your friendship, but I want more. I want you and for one moment, I couldn't stop myself from reaching out and taking what I want most in the world." 

Lily was silent for a long moment. "I'm with James." She said softly. 

"I know. Believe me, I know." Severus told her. 

"This is just all so confusing!" Lily cried out, tears welling in her eyes. "It's supposed to be simple!" 

"Life is never simple." Severus told her with a smirk. "You should know that by now." 

"I've loved James forever." Lily said, more to herself than him. 

Severus looked her in the eyes. "I understand that you're confused. I'll give you time, I just want you to know that I want you and that I'm not giving up." 

"What about James?" Lily cried. 

"What about him?" Severus asked, reaching out to kiss Lily once more. 

She melted into the kiss for a moment before pulling away. 

"Don't do this to me." She pleaded. "I need time to think." 

"All right." Severus told her. "As I said, I don't mind waiting, but just so you know, I don't intend to give up." 

_I'm so confused, Diary, I don't know what to do? _

I don't want to hurt James, but is it fair to him to be with him while I'm thinking about Severus? 

I honestly don't know. 

- Lily 

Hermione put the diary down and stared out into space. 

It seemed that she wasn't the only one having problems. Over twenty years earlier, Lily Evans had had the same problem. For some strange reason, knowing that made things a little easier. 

Still, Hermione's heart was still breaking over the cruelty of it all. The man she loved, loved her in return, but they could never be together because it would devastate someone they both cared about. 

It just wasn't fair. Nothing was fair.

* * *

**Akire135**- Thank you. I know, I don't like how Lily is always made to seem perfect and not human. I wanted to show her as having faults, like everyone else. Harry and Ron don't hate each other (yet), they just aren't best friends any more. Too much has happened. I am working on a preqel which will explain that, it'll be the D/G backstory. 

**Autumn Darkness**- I'll try to update more often from now on. 

**babygirl$Y**- I'm glad you like it. I'm sorry I took so long between chapters, I'm having some serious writer's block with this story. 

**Ella-Watson**- I'm glad you did find it and thank you so much for the compliment! 


	18. Part Eighteen: A Shoulder to Cry On

Memories of the Heart   
By Misha 

_Disclaimer and Notes in Chapter One._

Part Eighteen- A Shoulder to Cry On

Hermione spent the next few days in emotional agony. 

The weight of her revelation was with her every waking moment. All she could think about was the mess they had made of their lives and how hopeless it seemed. 

She spent the days trying to avoid both Harry and Ron, the former being easier than the latter. 

It seemed that Harry was just as eager to avoid her, neither of them ready to face the inevitable. It was just too heartbreaking to comprehend. 

However, it was harder to avoid Ron, who seemed to understand something was wrong and kept trying to get her to talk to him. But every time Hermione looked at Ron, she remembered Harry's kiss and was eaten up by guilt. 

She really cared about Ron, he was a good person and he loved her. She hated herself for feeling what she did, for loving Harry instead of Ron. 

It was just so hard. 

Her nights she spent reading the diary. She found that Lily was just as torn as she was, having yet figured out what she was going to do with Severus and James. Her choice seemed easier than Hermione's, after all, at least she wasn't in love with her boyfriend's best friend. 

After this had gone on a week, Ginny knocked on Hermione's door, demanding to talk. 

"You haven't talked to Harry, have you?" She asked immediately. 

"No." Hermione told her. "I was going to, I went to his room, but... He was talking to Draco... I overheard..." 

"You know, don't you?" Ginny asked quietly, seeming to understand what Hermione had overheard. 

Hermione nodded. "Yes. So you did?" 

"I've known for ages." Ginny told her. "I told you before, that there were other factors, why Harry was with me even if he wasn't in love with me and that was it. He's in love with you. He always has been." 

Ginny paused and searched Hermione's face. 

"And unless I'm **very** much mistaken, you're in love with him too." She said softly. 

Hermione nodded miserably. "You hate me, don't you?" She whispered. 

"Why would I hate you?" Ginny asked gently. 

"Because of Ron, he's your brother." Hermione said, slightly confused. "Don't you hate me, because I'm not in love with him?" 

"No." Ginny told her. "'Mione, I, of all people, understand that you can't control your heart and choose who you fall in love with. I don't blame you for loving Harry, nor do I blame him for loving you, I'm just sad that someone is going to end up getting hurt." 

"It won't be Ron." Hermione told her quietly. "I won't do that to him and I don't think Harry would either. So, I'll just pretend I never heard Harry and Draco talking and that nothing has changed." 

"Can you do that?" Ginny questioned doubtfully. "Can you be with Ron and be happy when in your heart you know it's Harry you want to be with?" 

"I have to try." Hermione said desperately. "Gin, I may not have been able to stop myself from falling in love with Harry, but I can stop myself from doing anything about it and I have to. For everybody's sake." 

"I wish you good luck then." Ginny told her quietly, her eyes portraying her doubt that it would be that simple. 

"Thanks." Hermione said, sharing that doubt. "I think I'm going to need it."

* * *

_A.N- First, I want to apologize for how short that chapter was, but I figured it was better than posting nothing at all. I've been so busy lately that I've barely been at my computer, plus I've had terrible writer's block when it comes to this particular story. So, I'm so sorry and I want to thank you for all the wonderful reviews. You guys are awesome!_

**Tortured-Maz**- I'm glad you like it. Yes, Lily has faults. She was a person. She made mistakes. That's the way I always write her and it irritates me when other writers try to make her perfect, because obviously she wasn't.   
I know I haven't updated very often. My life is very, very hectic. it's been a weird, hard, busy couple years and I haven't had as much time to write as I'd like and this story as been particularly hard as I always seem to get writer's block whenever I update even a little.   
Thank you again for the compliments, and I'm glad you like the way I've connected the two storylines. Hermione's going to learn a lot from Lily's story. I can promise that. 

**wannabebrite**- Because I've never really liked Ron and I've never thought that Harry and Ron's friendship was that solid. On Harry's part maybe, but Ron always just seemed too jealous to really be a great friend. 

**Athena's snow wolf**- Thank you and I'll try. 

**malfoys' sis**- I'm glad you like it. I'm really glad you like the connection with L/S and H/Hr, I thought it made things more interesting to see history repeat. 

**ellie**- The reason the chapter's are so short is because I've had the worst writer's block with this story and once I get a fair block togehter, enough to piece together a chatper, it seems better to post it, than to wait another month or two before inspiration strikes again.   
As for the Lily/Snape thing, you'll have to wait and see. I think you'll like the way I intend to end that. 

**baronessa**- The story is still in progress, I can tell you that, I've just had awful, awful's writer's block. That's all. 

**Angelarose**- Thank you and I'll certainly try! 

**Forever Shia**- Thank you! An R/Hr fan who actually likes an H/Hr story, that is a compliment! 

**Hermione'sgirl**- Thank you. 

**lilacweasly**- Thank you. I'll try. 

**Autumn Darkness**- Okay, so I'm not that good at updating all that often. Put it down to a busy life and lots of writer's block. I'm glad you liked the new chapter and thank you for the review! 

doodlemoney45- Thanks. 

**wwwendy**- The mystery will be revealed in time, as for Chloe, she's dead. But the circumstances around her death is part of the mystery... And yes, history does tend to repeat. 

**EnsignAbby**- If I waited to publish the short chapters, then I'd update once every year or even less often. This story comes to me really slowly, so that's why the chapters are so short. 

**BLEHH xx**- I do feel special. It's always nice to get reviews. I'm glad you like the story and the concept. I've always been fascinated by the idea of Snape/Lily and I'm glad I make them believeable. I'm glad you also like the way I make history repeat itself. I thught it was a nice twist. 

**KrazieKim522**- I'm glad you like it and that you can relate to it. I'll try to update more often and thank you for reviewing! 

**Lady Jillyan Malfoy-Potter**- Perhaps a little, but it'll work out in the end. 

**emily628**- Thank you, I'd glad you like it! I love Hermione and Harry too and don't worry in the end, true love will conquer all. For them at least. As for Lily, well I wanted to write her like she was a person with flaws who made mistakes like everyone else. 

**ears**- I'm glad you like it and sorry I don't update more, but as you said life has many other things besides stories and mine is always hectic. Sigh. 

**The ORIGINAL Meathead**- I'm glad that you like it and the other things in the box will be revealed in time don't worry. 

**Jessie**- I'm glad you like it. Sorry, I haven't updated very often, my life is so crazy right now. But I will promise that I haven't forgotten about this story! 

**Lalilah**Yes, sorry it took so long. 

**Granger-gurl-rox**- I'm going to start updating more often. I promise. Or at least I'll try. It'll be a while before Harry figures things out, since he and Hermione are both really stubborn. I'm glad you like the paralells between Lily and Hermione, Hermione is going to learn a lot from Lily's story. 

**rumi**- Yeah, things kind of suck for Ron, don't they? Something will happen between Lily and Snape, though we all know they don't end up together... 

**harry's marauder chick**- Thank you and I'll try. 

**AlleRhymes**- Lily and James will end up together in the end, obviously, I just like exploring the past. I love the idea of Lily and Severus, so that will be explored, but in the end in will be L/J because it has to be. 


	19. Part Nineteen: Advice, Of the Unwanted S

Memories of the Heart  
By Misha

_Disclaimer and Notes in Chapter One._

_A.N- This chapter is really short and some people have complained about that in the past, but honestly, I'm having a major writer's block for this story and unless you want to wait even longer for the next chapter, you're going to have to accept this one as is, sorry.  
_  
Part Nineteen- Advice, of the Unwanted Sort

A week later Hermione was still avoiding Harry and spending limited time with Ron. She couldn't figure out any other solution to her dilemma.

When she was with Ron, she tried to be calm and relaxed, but she just couldn't get Harry's words out of her head. She knew Ron noticed how tense and distracted she was and she felt bad, but she didn't know how to stop it.

Just like she didn't know how to stop being in love with Harry. She wished she did, because it would make everything so much simpler. Unfortunately, one of the unpleasant things about life was that you couldn't choose who you fell in love and she'd fallen in love with Harry, instead of Ron who she was _supposed _to be in love with. Definitely, someone's idea of a cruel joke, she was sure.

She was surprised, when Draco stopped her in the hallway after class, after all it wasn't like they were good friends or anything. Or even friends at all, he was just Ginny's boyfriend and Harry's best friend, not anything to her personally.

"Can I talk to you?" He asked.

"Of course." She said quietly. 

"Somewhere private." Draco told her.

Hermione sighed. "Since you already have access to the Gryffindor towers, my room."

Hurrying, hoping not to be seen, she led Draco into the Towers, and up to the Head Girl's room.

"Talk." She said, as soon as they were alone.

"Fine." Draco told her. "All right, I knew Potter was an idiot, but what's your excuse?"

"Excuse me!" Hermione demanded. 

"Ginny told me that you overheard Harry and I." Draco said flatly. "She also told me that you don't intend to do anything about the information."

"I don't see how it's any of your business." Hermione told him coldly. Some part of her found it almost laughable that she was discussing her love life with Draco Malfoy, of all people, it was something that she certainly would never have even considered possible a few years before and even now it struck as particularly strange.

"It's my business because Harry's my best friend." Draco replied flatly. "I've spent the last two years watching him pine away for you, without you ever knowing. I held my tongue then, but I'm not going to now."

"Yay, lucky me." Hermione muttered.

"Yes, lucky you." Draco told her. "Because you need to have some sense drilled into you." 

He paused, as if trying to gather his words together. "Harry loves you, he's always loved you." Draco told her quietly. "And I believe you've always loved him and not just as friends, real, true love. I've watched the way you look at him when no one else is watching and I know how he feels about you. It's the kind of love that Ginny and I share, the kind that comes one in a lifetime. No matter how you feel about Weas-Ron, it's not that."

"Thank you for being an expert on _my_ feelings." Hermione said icily, not wanting to think about the fact there might be some truth in his words. It didn't matter anyway, she was with Ron and she was going to stay with him. That was that.

Draco just looked at her. "I can't tell you what to do." He told her, then smiled. "Well, I can, but I can't make you listen. All I can say is that if you throw what you and Harry could have away, then you'll regret it for the rest of your life."

With that he turned and left, leaving Hermione staring after him.

She wanted to forget everything he had just said, but she knew that she wasn't going to, that his words would be playing over and over in her mind fro sometime.

Still, it didn't matter. She had made up her mind and nothing and nobody could change it.

Especially not Draco Malfoy.

* * *


End file.
